I’m dating a human being. A wonderful human, but still, a human. He can frustrate me beyond measure. When he comes home late for dinner or doesn’t pick up on my not so sublet hints that I want him to take me out for ice cream, I begin to think, maybe not in so many words, but I begin to think, “man, I’d like you more if you were more like me.”
This subtle thought in my mind predominated the first year or two of our relationship. It’d led me wishing and eventually praying, “God, would you just change him and bless me?”
Let me tell you how far this prayer got me.
When I began to reevaluate my line of thought and foster my relationship with God and Devin, instead of crickets filling the silence my conversations with God be to sound more like,
“Bless him and change me.”
I’d pray, “God, could you just make him come home? I’m so lonely. Why is he always gone?” And the reply was, “what are you doing to make your home a desirable place to be? Are you nagging that he’s gone and critiquing him the minute be comes in the door? Or are you welcome him? Are you appreciating the fact that he’s choosing to be with you then? Besides, child, you are never alone when you abide in Me.” I then, as I was filled with the comfort and knowledge that I was never alone, began to greet him with love and respect and amazingly enough, he chose to be home more.
I’d pray, “ugh! Father, why isn’t he doing more for me!?” My answer was, “if you can’t appreciate all he does do for you, why in the world would he start doing more?” Humbled, I began to be more thankful and truly see for all the ways he helped me.
I’d pray, “why does he call me beautiful and attractive so very little? Is there something wrong with me?” “No, dear one. You are created in My imagine and are My masterpiece. But I wanted you to see that you’re more than the shell that houses your soul. I wanted you you grow beautiful in ways that weren’t just physical. If he only complimented you on that, you might become content to believe that’s where your worth came from. Besides, beauty fades. I’m setting you up for a long term relationship.” Now I couldn’t be more grateful for the fact he compliment me more in areas of my life that have nothing to do with my body.
I’d pray, “I want him to be the leader of our house, God. That’s biblical. Why aren’t you making him stand up and lead?” He stated and asked me, “look up the definition of leader. It is ‘one who leads others.’ Someone that has a following. So, I ask you, how good of a follower are you being?” This one hurt and, I will not lie, it’s still very much so a challenge. But I began to nit pick less of his leadership skills and focus more on my following skills.
I’d pray, “God, why don’t I feel loved by him sometime? Why am I not treated like a princess?” He explained, “when he doesn’t feel respected, he isn’t going to show you love. He understands respect the way you understand love. And have you been treating him like a prince? A relationship is a two way street. If he feels respected and treated well, he will love and treat you well. He’s a good man, Rachel. Be a good woman to him.” Since I began practicing respect in our relationship, it continually grows stronger.
It’s easy to place the blame for the issues and troubles in your relationship on your partner. It’s hard to take responsibility for your actions and how they contributed to your current situation.
Now, I fully understand that there are legitimate issues your partner can have and inflict on your relationship. And though you may be doing your best, nothing changes for the better and it is unhealthy to stay. But this blog is for what are, in my opinion, the majority of the relationships out there.
When I took time to pray and become more self aware, I realized there was much I could do to better my relationship and better myself. None of it had to do with changing my partner. Instead, I choose to be filled with gratefulness towards him and pray blessings over him. I do think he has changed some and our relationship has definitely grown, but that was a happy side affect of me changing. It was not the intention.
If you are struggling in your relationship, I urge you, take it before God with one simple prayer:
“Bless them; change me.”