Who am I?

I did a terrifying thing today. I told a group of church ladies my dream to be in ministry.

Instantly after doing so I was overwhelmed with a disempowering question:

Who are you, Rachel, to accomplish such a feat?

After several years of being a prodigal then quietly dedicating my life to Christ, I go back to church consistantly for about three months and announce I’d like to write or lead a group one day. As daunting as that sounds, to be honest, my hearts desire is to teach, lead, and write for as big of am audience as God is willing to give me. But really, who am I to do these things?

As I began to question myself, I began to pray. My mind drifted back to a teaching I heard by Michele Cushatt on when Moses was called out by God. Moses had this very question when God told him he was to deliver the Israelites out of their bandage in Egypt.

But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?

And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.

Exodus 3:11-12

She said when Moses questioned his qualifications to accomplish the daunting task of delivering an entire nation from the hands of their enemy, God did not bolster him in his own abilities. He did not give him a pat on the back accompanied by a cheerful, “you can do it!” No. He simply stated that God Himself would go with Moses.

We can’t miss this point here: God did not encourage Moses’s abilities to deliver the people from Egypt because it was, in fact, far beyond anything Moses had in himself to do. It wasn’t about Moses. It was about God working through Moses.

Just as God reminded me of this today yet I still looked for a little more confirmation through my accountability partner, Moses questioned to solidify this idea more from God.

Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?

God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’

Exodus 3:13-14

Again, it was never about Moses. God Himself was delivering the Israelites. Moses was simply the vessel in which God choose to work through.

The very same thing is true of you and me. When God calls us to big, scary, out of our reach dreams, we can reach boldly for them with the confidence that we are not going alone. It wasn’t about who Moses was. It’s not about who you or I am. It’s about God and His infinite abilities.

So here I am. I am Rachel, who went through years of being a prodigal in which I committed sins that broke God’s heart and make me shutter to think about.

I am Rachel, who just recently started going to church consistantly and still battles the devil trying to lure me back to a lifestyle I want no part of.

I am Rachel, who feels small, weak, and underqualified for these dreams that are bigger than myself.

But I am also Rachel, who was bought with a price. I have been forgiven and set free. I have the same power that rose Jesus from the dead living inside of me. I am a vessel of the most high God. He goes before me and will never leave me. Because of my weakness, His strength is magnified. I am Rachel, who has surrendered her life to whatever God has for it because I am daily realizing, it’s not about me.

So here I am Lord; send me.

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