A Better Wife Because of the Best Husband

How dimentional is your god? If you serve money, it is purely a transactional dimention. If your god is status, you’re stuck with the admiration and acknowledgment of others. If you make your marriage your god, you could argue that it meets multiple needs, but, in essence, we marry because we recognize life with this other person is better than it would be alone and in some way it serves us.

But for those who’s God is the one true God, the creator of heaven and earth, we serve a multi faceted God. He is a holy Authority, a loving Father, a servant Leader, an imaginative Creator, and so much more than my mind can fully wrap around. But in my study of the Song of Solomon and in my marriage, I am beginning to see God also as a fulfilling Husband and that is the dimention of him I hope to grasp in my words today.

In the last chapter of Song of Solomon, the young woman makes a bold statement of the love and devotion between her and her lover. In 8:6-7, she declares, “place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor rivers can drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.”

This passage in Song of Solomon is both wildly romantic and highly passionate. It’s quoted in wedding ceremonies and is well known for defining love. Yet it never clicked with me. Rarely is such a love so strong and resilient displayed in modern life. Marriages tend towards mediocrity and complacency, not zealous devotion. How can this perfectly define our marriage to other carnal beings? I have concluded it cannot do so accurately. But it can give us a glimpse of God’s love and passion for us.

“A seal on your heart”

Life changes when you become a Christian, and it changes furthermore as you see Jesus as the Bridegroom. In ancient Israel, a seal was used for identification purposes. Just as we take our husband’s last name to show we are married, we take on the name of Christ when we commit to being Jesus’ disciple.

There’s something beautiful about having a new name. It covers all the past scars and mistakes that marred us. It gives the right to be free of the past and the opportunity to change in the future. While changing my last name from my ex’s to Hagaman relieved me when I married Devin, it didn’t fundamentally change me. Yet there is a name that changed me. While legal documents don’t recognize it, if you look at my life the difference is clear. Bearing the name of the Messiah, being his bride, has given me a life changing marking.


Perhaps our husbands would take a bullet for us. That may save us until we die of another cause. But only Jesus died in our place so that our souls may live forever. Human love may last until “death due us part,” but heavenly love is undying. The love of the Bridegroom is stronger than even death.

God is jealous for you and me. While there are many things here fighting for our attention until the last moment of our lives, God wants us to be solely his. This isn’t to say other pursuits don’t have merit, more so that they have merit because of Christ in our lives. Marriage and life is meaningful because God gave it meaning. Living life without God is like living in a house constantly staring at a painting of the outdoors without ever actually going outside. God aches for us to experience creation yet we sit in front of our painting thinking he is a horrible, wrongfully jealous God for trying to get us to move away from this alternate reality. He is not jealous because he wants less for us. On the contrary, he yearns for us to live life to the fullest.

“Love flashes like fire”

Many of us went to boring, legalistic churches growing up. Because of this we put God in an authoritarian, stoicism box. We limit our view of him and limit the brightest light in our lives.

The God who is there is full of passion. He is not a distant, cold statue god who is waiting to strike mistake riddled humans with lighting at the moment they do wrong. He is like a loving husband. He’s crazy about his people. He wants to fill you and me with light and life. He wants to captivate us in a flash, to embrace us with light. He will consume his beloved with the fire of his love if only given the opportunity to do so.

“Cannot quench love”

Human love can cap off. It takes time, years, and a whole lot of heavenly grace to grow into a marriage full of unconditional love. Many marriages will die off before they reach the unquenchable level.

But God’s love starts out unquenchable. It begins not being able to drown out. It never ends nor ever dies. There is nothing in this world we could do that would ever stop Jesus from loving you and me. No amount of mistakes or rejection will ever turn his heart from his people once and for all. He is always waiting for us to run back to his loving embrace. He is quick to forgive and ready to forget. He will never run out of love for his bride.

“If man tried to buy love”

I think many women worry that the man they are with will stop loving them if they change. What if they gain weight or stop working? What if something happens that halts their sex life? What if they pursue a life with God and their spouse doesn’t like it? What if something changes and I no longer am someone he loves?

This is the clincher here. Nothing we do, have done, or will ever do will change God’s love for us. God will never love us small, seemingly unimportant beings more than he does right this minute. That is because he’s already reached max capacity of love for us. Christians have never had to earn it and never will. We simply have to accept it. All other methods of yearning to obtain his love would be utterly scorned.

Those who refuse to see Jesus in the position of a heavenly husband miss out on a vital aspect of God. They are missing out on true fulfillment in life and marriage. While most people recognize Jesus as the Bridegroom in their singleness, for me, it was quite the opposite. Devin is a wonderful man, but he is still a man. He hasn’t reached perfection and its not fair of me to hold him to such a standard. And, frankly, I am blessed by his weakness for they give me opportunity to focus on the ultimate Bridegroom.

In all the ways my husband has failed me, my God has never failed. When my emotions ran high and Devin was still learning what to do, I was embraced by the Bridegroom. When I spouted out in rage at the man I vowed my life to, God gave me the words and heart to repent and reconcile. When I was alone going on hour 10 or 12 of my work day, my Shepard walked with me through the fields and I recited Isaiah 41:10 under my breath. When I ached to dive deep into subject such as theology and apologetics but Devin wasn’t ready yet, I never lacked anyone to talk to. When life had me up in the wee hours of the morning dripping tears over the open Bible in my lap, I was comforted by my Love who is always near to me. Even in the gaps Devin and I myself leave in our marriage for thd other, we live in a fulfilled covenant because it was never between simply he and I.

Do you want to be the better wife talked about in this past series? I don’t believe you can do it without embracing God as your husband. You can strive, work, sweat, and break for your marriage. While there is merit to all that, it will all be futile if you don’t allow God to fill the gaps left by you and your spouse’s humanity. There is a deeper love, far beyond comprehension for you and your marriage if only you learn to embrace God as the Bridegroom he is. God did not create marriage to be absent of him; rather he created it as a covenant in him where a cord of three strands comes together. To be a better wife, we must cling to God as best.

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